Tramlink, previously Croydon Tramlink

All 39 London Tram Stop Names: Bitchily Critiqued by Will Noble for the Londonist website on 31.3.20:

“Wimbledon: Good, familiar start. SW19. Strawberries and cream. John Inverdale. OK, let’s please not think about John Inverdale.

Dundonald Road: How very Scottish sounding. Or do we mean Irish sounding? Maybe both. There’s a Dundonald golf course in Scotland, and a place called Dundonald near Belfast (home to Northern Ireland’s only public Olympic size ice rink). There’s also a Dundonald Road in Kensal Rise. OK, we’re dun now.

Merton Park: Parking your car in an irreverent, off the wall way that makes Ian Hislop guffaw. 

Morden Road: A motorway i.e. ‘more den just a road’. What? It’s too early for us to get our coat.

Phipps Bridge: When you try to say ‘Phillips Bridge’ after 12 glasses of prosecco.

Belgrave Walk: The posh version of the Lambeth Walk. Probably involves a cane and a monocle.

Mitcham: The punchline to a joke we’re not clever enough to work out, e.g. ‘How do you XXX in south west London? You Mitch ’em.’ Answers on a postcard.

Mitcham Junction: The Clapham Junction of Mitcham.

Beddington Lane: Something you’d use to tell a toddler it’s their bed time, e.g. “I think it’s time you went up Beddington Lane to Dreamsyville”.

Therapia Lane: Name of a holistic medicine treatment centre.

Ampere Way: There absolutely has to be a local rock band called this. Come on guys, it’s there for the taking.

Waddon Marsh: The kind of name real estate marketers have nightmares about.

Wandle Park: Non league club football ground.

Reeves Corner: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a Mortimer Corner opposite. There isn’t.

Church Street: Say what you see.

Centrale: Conjures up a grand, barrel-vaulted Europan station. It’s actually a non-barrel-vaulted shopping centre.

George Street: This name’s on a par with Church Street isn’t it.

West Croydon: Croydon! We’ve heard of that. 

Wellesley Road: Named after a lesser known advisor to Henry VIII. It’s not, but it sounds like it is.

East Croydon: The East Finchley of Croydon.

Lebanon Road: The DLR has Cyprus, the tram network has Lebanon Road. 

Sandilands: The kind of holiday camp where they’d do a knobbly knees contest.

Lloyd Park: School bully.

Addiscombe: The punchline to a joke we’re not clever enough to work out, e.g. ‘How do you say to a south London hairdresser who’s XXX? He’s ‘ad ‘is comb.’ Send answers in with the Mitcham one.

Coombe Lane: We got nothing.

Blackhorse Lane: Like Blackhorse Road but narrower.

Gravel Hill: Like a gravel pit, but hillier.

Woodside: Some kind of cricketing/nautical term, e.g. “hit him on his woodside, where it hurts”

Addington Village: A retreat for kids struggling with their maths.

Arena: We like to think this stop has departure boards screening interesting BBC Four documentaries.

Fieldway: American football stadium.

Elmers End: Dark Looney Tunes cartoon in which Bugs Bunny finally kills his nemesis.

King Henry’s Drive: Where Henry VIII parked his horses. Or maybe Wellesley did it for him.

Harrington Road: We feel indifferent about this name. London doesn’t: there’s another Harrington Road in South Kensington.

New Addington: A retreat for younger kids struggling with their maths.

Birkbeck: What London transport bigwigs probably called Harry Beck when they poo-pooed his revolutionary tube map.

Avenue Road: The answer to a riddle: when is an avenue a road?

Beckenham Road: Where David Beckenham lives.

Beckenham Junction: The Dalston Junction of… OK that wasn’t funny in the first place.”

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